I am already kicking myself for falling so far behind on my goals. The reality of self-improvement and growth is that it is hard, time consuming, and most often no fun. I set high expectations for myself to reflect weekly, almost daily, on my journey through the beyond. But the reality is…my beyond is messy, unplanned, and chaotic. I had this weird image in my head that somehow we would all magically wake up the day after Jacob’s first birthday, and life would be easier. Uhm that didn’t happen. Here is what did happen:
We woke up, but it was really just another Monday…manic as always. I had forgotten to make my husband lunch the bight before, my parents were still with us in our cramped condo, and my house was a wreck of birthday gifts and laundry. Just to make the day a little more fun…I got a call from husband around 9:30am, he had left his wallet and cell phone at home; two things he really needed for the day, especially since he would have to go out for lunch. So as I helped my parents pack their car for the drive back to Ohio, I had to scramble to get Jacob into our car so I could drive the 30 minutes to Matt’s work. Now we were off our normal schedule and napping did not go well. Jacob had his 1-year appointment at 6:15 pm and he checked out just fine, however his shots gave him a low-grade temp, which made him fussy and difficult to get to sleep. I chalked the day up as a loss.
That low-grade fever hung around all day Tuesday and Wednesday, then spiked Wednesday night to around 104…fun fun fun. It stayed high all night and when I called the doctor in the morning, they said it was normal and just continue fever meds.
Thursday I was down to host our weekly playgroup at which we would celebrate Jacob’s birthday. I had about 7 girls and babies planning to come over “anytime after 10am” and when I woke at 8:30am (after being up all night) my house was a mess, I didn’t have all the food ready, and I forgot to thaw the chicken for the lunch salad I was suppose to serve. Luckily my group is very laid back and we have been together since our babies were only a few months old so I wasn’t stressing too much about nothing being ready, they all get it. The day went well, except that since Jacob slept in his schedule was off again. Oh well.
Friday, we drove to Wisconsin to spend the day at my Aunt’s house and visit with my cousin/Matt’s best friend who was in town with his family from Seattle. This was a great day. Jacob enjoyed swimming and blowing bubbles with his second cousins. It was so nice to just sit back and relax with family and watch the kiddos run around the yard. Jacob ran a fever around 102 the whole day; we kept up with his meds and gave him lots of water. The kicker of it all was that you would never have guessed he had a fever, he was running around like normal. However I was starting to really worry because the fever was just not breaking and his urine output had decreased.
Friday night was another rough night with spikes over 103. To make the night even more fun, I woke with the stomach flu at 3am. This was the last thing we needed.
Saturday we had a huge day planned. Library at 10:30am, Alexi’s first birthday at noon, and then dual graduation party for Matt’s cousins at 3pm. We decided to call the doctor first thing in the morning; they had us come in at 11am. The doctor checked him out and said the fever was just virus and we should lay off the meds. Again she cleared him to do everything as normal as long as he was acting like himself. I was relieved, but exhausted. Once we got home Jacob and I took a nap until 2:30. I was feeling better, but not great, I still was unable to eat anything. I was not looking forward to any of our commitments for the day; we had already missed half of Alexi’s party, but the idea of missing the whole thing just didn’t feel right. So we decided to make a brief appearance, as long as I was able to hold myself together. It was such a cute party; surfing themed and at the neighborhood pool, which Jacob loved since he is such a water-baby. We found our playgroup friends by the pool, and learned that 3 other girls had missed the party due to stomach flu…well at least now I know where I got it. The babies were so cute in their bathing suits; especially Ally is her ruffled yellow bikini. Jacob loved that the pool was a zero depth and he could just walk around in the water splashing. We hung out for about an hour before we had to move on to the next party. I was starting to feel like I had been hit by a truck, but I have a hard time missing family engagements so I sucked it up and went. I spent most of the time sitting inside, alone, in the air conditioning. Once we got home for the evening Jacob and I went straight to sleep; he was still running a fever and the day’s events had worn him out.
Sunday the fever was gone and it was Father’s Day! We were able to just relax and spend time together as a family. My mother-in-law had us over for dinner (like most Sundays) and Matt’s grandmother joined us for the meal. I hoped this would be a good omen for the week ahead.
Tuesday Lauren and Lillian (an original member of our playgroup who moved to Indiana around Christmas) came to town visit, we celebrated by having a pool party at Melissa’s. What a great day. The babies we happy, the mamas were relaxed, lots of good food and treats, lots of good conversation and company. We spent the whole day just hanging out. I think this may have been one of the best days I have spent with my girls and the babies ever. It reaffirmed my belief that “my tribe” was a main reason that I survived the first year of motherhood. It was going to be a good week.
Then on Wednesday Matt came home with…the stomach flu. Now as most of you know, when a guy is sick the world stops. He came home, got sick, went to bed, and stayed there until mid-day Thursday. (If you recall, I had the same thing yet staying in bed did not seem to be an option for me. I did get to rest in small chunks on the couch, but not alone, in the bed, in the quiet. Much different.) Jacob and I spent Wednesday night on the couch, and Thursday morning tending to Daddy. Our whole day was thrown off schedule, and we missed playgroup. I hate missing playgroup. It is my time during the week that I know I get to connect with people who truly understand and appreciate my daily life. Ugh, my week was not ending as well as I had hoped. But by Thursday night Matt was feeling better and I was able to run some errands, alone. What would have taken me a week to do, I was able to get done in 2 hours. Ok so maybe the week wasn’t a complete loss.
Saturday we were able to continue the upswing by going to the Farmer’s Market (for the first time) in the morning and taking in cousin Rainer’s baseball game after lunch. Now I am sure you have found the trend in my life, once one part improves, something else has to fall apart. This time it was me…after the baseball game I got a killer migraine. Luckily Matt decided that he would take Jacob over to his mother’s for dinner. This gave me about 3 hours alone to rest. See he really is a great partner. By the time the boys returned Saturday evening my headache was declining and we able to have a family dance party.
All in all, my first two weeks of the beyond have been pretty much the same. No magical new adventures, no sudden personal growth, no real change in the day-to-day happenings. The change is there though; it is in my reflection and behavior. I am making a conscious effort to evaluate the day and look for areas of improvement. Eventually I will have the energy, time, skill to implement an overt change, but until then I will have to accept that thinking about changing is change enough.
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