Mommy's Daily Lesson: July 3rd

I started this post last night but fell asleep before being able to post it, so here it is, a summary of our day and what I learned.

Today was a busy day.  Jacob and I played a lot! We played with trucks, trains, shopping carts, the big red barn, and even sidewalk chalk (for about 2 minutes before Jacob walked back to the front door and started banging on it to go back inside; too hot outside today.)  We played airplane and horsey on mommy's legs, and chased each other around the chair giggling "tickle, tickle."   We read books, kicked the ball, and snuggled on the couch.  At several points, I would sit down or go to check my computer, like normal, but then I caught a glimpse of his face.  It broke my heart.  I could tell the he understood that I was going to "disengage" from him; not that I would stop paying attention, but that I would no longer be actively engaged in interacting with him.  Please don't think I ignore my child and play farmville all day or watch TV, but as part of my survival mode I used the computer/TV as a little break.  When he was a newborn it was keep me awake in the middle of the night while nursing or to research all my baby questions and my fears.  In the months that followed I left the TV on as background noise as Jacob and I sat on his activity mat doing tummy time or sleeping.  We would call my parents and sister on Skype daily just to talk. Also I stay in contact with family through gmail; not a constant conversation, but it was always open so we could "talk" if I was in need of some support.  I have never left Jacob alone, or even stopped talking/touching/holding him, but I would sit in one spot while he played and moved around.  With only having one room (remember we are still living the one-bedroom, 4 room total condo,) you are never really that far away from anyone.

Still when I saw the look on his face I knew he was feeling confused and hurt that I was “walking away” from him.  I instantly stopped turned around, scooped him up, and squeezed tight.  And whispered: “I promise I will always play with you first, any game you want, for as long as you want, as often as you want.  You are my first priority, the everything else can wait.  I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I love you.”

The rest of day I stayed engaged with my son.  It was hard work at times; like after the 12^th I-cover-my-face-and-mommy-says-where’s-Jacob-and-I-pop-out round.  My journey is to thrive as a mother, and one of my goals was to try to be the best mom everyday.  Today: Goal Accomplished.